Surrendering or stuffing?
Surrendered Wife Mentoring by Sarah Warmly, SoftlyWarmly@hotmail.com
Inspirity's Note: Sarah Warmly has run extremely successful Online Surrendering Courses and is currently in the process of redesigning her next project. I did my SW course with her.
I think some of us may have experienced confusion as to what surrendering is in some areas and what is just stuffing for the sake of the peace...yes Laura Doyle says don't sweat the small stuff but what is the small stuff and what is the large stuff?? I think we all know when we are honest....picking up his socks and changing our internal attitude about that is not a large stuff, being fun and spunky and natural and then told we should feel shame and complying is a large stuff...producing large reactions down the line that won't go away !!!
......if we are afraid of a man’s wrath at a sub-conscious level and we hear our man's voice get growly we will automatically tap into that fear and back away unless we are calm and centred (or however u like to describe that place of being where panic and emotion are not in control) in which case we can simply ask calmly what’s up? Fear is an emotion and like they say about dogs, if u let it come up in you the dog is more likely to attack. A lot of us perhaps grew up around violent father figures, maybe they didn't hit us but the threat was in the air or perhaps they hit us energetically which can be just as bruising.....so we reacted as little loves to keep the peace....we did not have a voice at that age to ask what the hell was a grown man doing venting on a tiny receptive female body.....it all just gets stuffed and then becomes automatic.....but as an adult we can step out of this.....we can take the time to address our wants and needs in an adult way and if the man flips out: well Hello that is all about him.....
Anyone who is experiencing these kinds of difficulties I really do recommend again Byron Katie....get all her books, watch the free videos on her site and You Tube and see that this is all about what you are doing to you. It’s just a covenant you made and it’s time to break the covenant.... the one who knows in you is going to wreak havoc until you do !
In my experience a woman standing in her calm power and speaking fairly and reasonably is a sight to behold and most men respond by dropping their jaws and going silent...letting in the mighty moment that SHE spoke and the truth of what she had to say.....after all most of them are carrying round 'terror of Mum abandoning them' issues so they are not half as scary as you think....haven't we all witnessed how soppy men can get when their defences are down because they are drunk?!!
We tell ourselves oh if I stand up for myself maybe he will get violent and I will get hurt or maybe he will yell at me and leave me....well in the first case has he ever been violent ??? if not it’s just a convenient story we tell to let us continue our story of being a victim of something......and if he leaves you yes it hurts but then he didn't want the real you anyways and for the sake of love on this planet it is for sure better to find that out sooner rather than later.....
Sarah