Ustadah Zahida - Learning through Clients.

An old Indian man, Client A had once been referred to Ustadah Zahida by his doctor and came to see her. His family was concerned about him as he used to be an extremely quiet man, and now he was losing his memory and was very angry and upset with his wife. He was unsure of himself and what he believed in.


Client A spoke about his past a lot and told her really old stories, and mentioned 4 Virtues he believed one should have. Ustadah Zahida stopped and reflected in each virtue that was being told to her, and felt herself being stirred by the wisdom within. "I asked Allah to remind me of what I need to be reminded of, and this is what I heard..."

"A Time for Reflection"

1. Speak the Truth - For when we lie, we have to do lots of covering up and dramas; One lie leads to another
2. Speak Little - Think before you speak; don't talk about others and this will give you time to remember Him more.
3. Pain - (Dukh) is a medicine for all ailments and for our development. When we have pain, we turn to Him more. When we don't have pain, the ego grows
4. Ease - (Sukh) causes us to forget God and the End.

The conversation continued and Client A asked UstZ "What do you think of me?" She replied that she didn't think there was anything seriously wrong with him, he seemed like a normal man and he had spoken eloquently of his virtues; Then why is that he seemed to forget everything?

Toward the end of the session, his son and daughter who were concerned about him, came in and sat down. When UstZ questioned Client A about his wife, he explained that she was very outspoken and he just couldn't contain it any longer; hence the anger. The daughter admitted that her own husband was very outspoken and she stayed quiet a lot aswell, yet when she could take it no longer she would also erupt in anger.

UstZ explained to the daughter that show could choose not to be the same way as her father, rather to be assertive instead of rude and aggressive. She went on to explain, "When we fear people, without realising it we have started worshipping them."

At that point, she quizzed him as to whether he was afraid of his wife, and he admitted of being very afraid! UstZ explained to the man that he was entitled to 6 sessions of counselling and he accepted that he had enjoyed his session a lot and would attend the rest of them aswell.

Walking out, he turned and said to her "Khoda Hafiz". Then, he asked her what that actually meant. She smiled and replied in Punjabi: "Rabb Rakha" ("May the Lord be with you"). He smiled, and asked "Do you like it when I say that to you?"

Lessons to Learn:

1. Reach Out for help - don't suffer alone. Speak to your Doctor, a Counsellor, or even a good friend.
2. Ponder on Men Fearing their Wives... yet again. Only Fear God.
3. "Save the Opressor and the Opressed." Speak to the opressors as they are sinning. Move the Opressed from the situation - the one who is being opressed is also sinning becasue he isnt is stopping the opresser - he is letting himself be abused. Remove yourself from the situation.
4. Learn how to communicate confidently. Especially with the difficult people in your family who have short tempers.

Related Articles:

Why Have Our Men Become So Weak?

Names & Events have been modified for Confidentiality Purposes.

Ustadah Zahida Ishfaq is a Muslim Counsellor offering counselling in the Ealing, Southall and Hounslow areas. She has clients who come to seek help from all over the UK, including Luton, Coventry, Gloucestershire, Cambridge and Manchester. She also offers telephone counselling.