Surrendering: What if he starts calling you degrading names in anger?

Surrendered Wife Mentoring by Sarah Warmly, SoftlyWarmly@hotmail.com
Inspirity's Note: Sarah Warmly has run extremely successful Online Surrendering Courses and is currently in the process of redesigning her next project. I did my SW course with her.

From: SarahWarmly

"If he resorts to calling you a ####, that is extremely disrespectful....
myself I would not just do an Ouch, I think situations like this (where personal insults are flying) warrants a line in the sand but I may be wrong.....

"It is for each of us to test the waters and see. If he is the type of man who is sensitive enough to pick up on an Ouch and express an apology then Ouch is enough that once. But if it happens again I would ask what is the use of an apology if you are going to do this again to me sometime?

"Talk is cheap, a man generally will show by his action if he is truly sorry by not repeating the same insult. So I might choose a time when things are quiet (remember before you did this....holding hands and keeping the emotional temperature down by staying calm and reasonable?) and find a way to say that you are not OK to be called such a degrading name anymore.

"If he freaks out you will need to walk away and quietly ponder things and give him space to do the same thing. But maybe he won't, maybe if you stay calm and understanding and bite your tongue he will open up about the insecurities he has which make him behave this way.....maybe it is a hangover from his upbringing or a religion thing ?"