Dr Laura: Should I Spy On My Teenager?

Men Behaving Badly?

Dr Laura, "Woman Power"

So many women in society bully their menfolk as though they were disobedient naughty boys instead of respect-worthy men whom women want and need. The result? Men behaving badly and the women complain even more...

Love-Speak or Love-Do?

Paraphrased from Dr Laura's book "Woman Power"

It's sad when women say they are not getting any love from their husbands. However, when you take a deeper look, you'll find that men are doing all kinds of wonderful things for them! Women don't register these "doings" as "love-speak". Men don't like to speak that much - they just like to "do".

The basic language of men is "doing", and women are going to be unhappy and their love will not be getting noticed if they don't realise and accept that men speak their love-speak differently than us women."

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Why have our men become so weak?

The last week has been one of reflection, regret and remorse for many of those touched by the tragedy of a devout and well-known elder of the Muslim community, who driven to the depths of darkness due to family problems hung himself in an outdoor store-room in Victoria Park Mosque, Manchester. The pain of this unfathomable suicide... of a Muslim... in a mosque... leads on to question and point fingers... but to whom?

This tragedy will scar our community forever - but women, take heed... don't treat your menfolk so badly that they lose courage to stand up for what they believe in; Menfolk, take heed - don't let the injustices and atrocious behaviour of your women let you lose your self-worth. Be strong, and courageous.

• Why have our men become so weak?
• Why can't they stand up for themselves?
• Muslim comedian Azhar Usman made a satirical joke about the Muslim women being the terrorists in the home while the men are oppressed (ie contrary to western opinion) - is it a joke, or reality?
• Ustadah Hedaya Hartford once mentioned that the women don't want their menfolk to act like men anymore, and they have ended up with husbands who act more like women. Then they (women) complain that their men are not "manly" enough.

Dr Laura's blog-post sums up Why Men Choose to Be Wusses

"Well, basically the problem is that most men today are afraid of their women. Their wives can nag them into a grave and or cut ‘em off from any affection, attention, appreciation and sex. That’s pretty powerful stuff. And then women wonder why they don’t have passion and respect for their men.

A Male listener:

“If only it were a matter of putting our collective foot down and simply demand respect, most of us men, husbands and fathers, would gladly oblige…stepping up to the plate to shoulder our responsibilities to protect and provide and lead - as we always have. “But when you’re fighting with one arm tied behind your back, skating on a sheet of ice as the rules continually change without notice, there’s little chance of success.

“So, we back off, uncertain even of what it means to be a man; confused about what is expected, further unsure about what we will be allowed to do."

Read the rest of: Why Men Choose to Be Wusses

Dr Laura: When We Don't Want to be the Bad Guy

A man phoned in to Dr Laura's show and told her that his wife wants to adopt a child and what does DrL think? She replied that it was a personal decision, and what is he asking her for?!

He said he didn't really have anything against it. So DrL said again, "Why are you asking me then??" Then the man says that he is still unsure of whether it is the right thing to do. DrL said that "well it sounds like your not too keen on the idea, but your not saying so, so that you don't sound like a bad person."

The man said "Well that's right, I don't wont to be the bad guy who says no"

They already had three kids or so.

DrL replied....

When we don't want to do something we should say so.

But we don't, because we don't want to be the 'bad guy'.

But what is a 'bad guy'?

A 'bad guy' is someone who forces someone to do something they don't want to do.

So what you are going to do is you are going to turn your wife into the 'bad guy',

and then later, you will make her pay.

She told the man to be clear about his feelings and say "Frankly, its not something I want to do right now"... and to be clear that this is something he didn't want.

Dr Laura: I will show you what it means to have a wife. Please dont go.

Once in a DrL show, this woman phoned up in a panic.

Her marriage was on the rocks. They didn't talk any more, no one made the effort, and they were always arguing. Then the man announces he is going on a two week holiday to some fancy island resort, with his young single play-boy of a brother.

She was so scared. She said her brother-in-law was a fooling-around kind of guy, womanising, topless bars, etc. And she was so scared that her husband was going to go on holiday with HIM. She knew they would get up to no good and she was afraid she was going to lose her husband.

DrL: "Why haven't you kept your part of the commitment of the marriage.?"

Woman: "He doesn't talk to me anymore. We eat dinner in silence."

DrL: "Well, do YOU make conversation?"

Woman: "No, because I know he wont reply"....

DrL: "You have to start giving the best of yourself. Make the effort. Be a nice chirpy happy person.

She told her to go to her husband that evening and say "Honey, I'm not surprised that you are going on this vacation. I'm not surprised that you want to spend time away from me. If I were you, I would want to spend time away from me aswell!

"Honey, please don't go on this trip. I promise you that if you don't go on this trip, I will show you the time of your life (and DrL stated here that she didn't mean it in a sexual way). I will show you what it means to have a wife. Please don't go."

I just found that so heart warming.

Dr Laura: When Travelling Through Troubled Waters,

Once in a Dr Laura show, this couple phoned up. They had been married since they were both 18 and they had two kids. They had been married for 6 years, and their problem was that they wanted to split up. The reason? She had cheated on him..... with a guy from work.

When DrL asked why, she said that he didn't spend any time with her, spent a lot of time on the computer and watched porn. She was very upset.
DrL pointed out that he only had a relationship with pictures, and that she went out and had a relationship with a real life man!

Anyway. She recommended they read The Proper Care and Feeding of Marriage chapter by chapter and discuss it together.

She told them both that they they were walking over a bridge under which were running seriously troubled waters. She told them that all the waves want you to fall off that bridge, but all you have to do... allllll you have to do is to get over that bridge.

Dr Laura: "In sickness and in health, till death do us part".

Dr Laura writes in her book of a fireman who wrote in to her show to tell her an amazing story. The fireman was talking about how on a hot day at the beach, when you are wearing a thick pullover sweater you feel so suffocated. All you want to do is to take that sweater off so you can be at peace again.

Then he talks about how he is a fireman, and as a part of his job, he has to wear this HEAVY THICK fire proof gear, which literally acts to save his life. Wen he is in a fire and he is putting it out, he feels so suffocated. He is wearing a heavy mask, and heavy clothes. Its difficult to walk, breath, etc. but...

Does he ever consider to take off his gear? No way. These clothes are what are keeping him alive.

So, he carries on doing his tremendous task of putting out the fire, with all his heavy burden. The point he makes is that he knows that it is not even an option to take off the gear. That is why it is never even considered.

People split up and get divorced ONLY because they consider it an option; If they knew that there was no option, they would get over the fact that they have a burden and keep on going on with their difficult task.

The Gift of the Magi - The Proper Care & Feeding of Marriage, Dr Laura

Read the whole transcript here

There was a young couple, very poor, married, and very much in love with each other. Christmas is coming and there is no money to buy gifts for one another. Her prized possession was her long, lovely hair which she had grown since childhood. His prized possession was his solid gold pocket watch – an heirloom, passed down from generation to generation.

Come Christmas morning, she hands her beloved a package. It is a solid gold chain for his pocket watch. He hands his beloved a package. It is a bejeweled comb to hold her beautiful hair in a bun on top of her head. They both cried with joy… even though… he no longer had the pocket watch, as he had sold it to buy her the jeweled comb… and she no longer had long hair, as she had sold it to buy him the gold chain.

Neither could use the gift the other had given them from a store – but look at the gift they truly got from the other.

Books by Dr Laura

Dr Laura changed my life! She is witty and profoundly wise when it comes to marital life. She has a website where you can listen to her radio shows, and also a You Tube Channel - go on, do the right thing!

The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands: What Successful Marriage is Really About

Woman Power: Transform Your Man, Your Marriage and Your Life

The Proper Care and Feeding of Marriage: How to Keep Your Husband Happy and Make Love Last