There really is a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow

by Michele Weiner-Davis, author of Divorce Busting and founder of divorcebusting.com

Read The Full Article - The Marriage Map

Stage One- Passion prevails
Stage Two- What was I thinking?
Stage Three- Everything would be great if you changed
Stage Four- That's just the way s/he is
Stage Five- Together, at last

"I'm certain that if more couples realized that there really is a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow, they'd be more willing to tough it out through the downpour. The problem is, most people fool themselves into thinking that whatever stage they are in at the moment, is where they will be forever. But it's important to remember that nothing lasts forever. There are seasons to everything in life, including marriage.

The wiser and more mature you become, the more you realize this. The more you realize this, the more time you and your spouse spend hanging out in stage five.

Together again, at last."

Most people decide to end their marriages without seeking professional help

by Michele Weiner-Davis, author of Divorce Busting and founder of divorcebusting.com

How to Choose a Marital Therapist


It amazes me that most people decide to end their marriages without seeking professional help. The decision of whether to divorce or not is probably the most important decision anyone will ever make. Yet, the fact remains that only a minority of people in the throes of marital problems consult marriage therapists.


Truth be told, seeking professional advice for your marital problems is no guarantee things will improve. In fact, many people have told me that their so-called marriage therapy even made things worse. Most therapists are well-meaning, but not always qualified to do marital therapy. That’s why I want to offer some guidelines for you to consider should you seek professional help to improve your marriage.

Guerrilla Divorce Busting

by Michele Weiner-Davis, author of Divorce Busting and founder of divorcebusting.com

"What do you do when faced with a person in throes of serious marital strife? Do you, on the basis of hearing a one-sided story, offer your condolences and the name of a good divorce attorney? Or, on the other hand, are you a Guerrilla Divorce Buster? ...."

"She reflected on her passive response to her brother's announcement about his divorce and began to second-guess her reaction. "Should I have said something to him?" "Should I have insisted they get couple's therapy before going to an attorney?" In the end, she regretted her decision to say nothing."

"... everyone, regardless of what we do in life, has the opportunity to profoundly influence the lives of others. Off-handed comments made by strangers can change the course of a life. "

Read The Full Article Here

Failure to communicate: “Why Can’t You Say It This Way?”

by Michele Weiner-Davis, author of Divorce Busting and founder of divorcebusting.com

Do you ever find yourself in the midst of heated conversation when, all of a sudden, your partner says something that just takes your breath away?


S/he might as well stop talking at that point because you are no longer listening to a word being said. All you hear is that little voice inside your head bellowing, “I can’t believe he just said that,” “She is such a jerk.” You lick your wounds and prepare your retort.


But as you mull things over, you realize, “It’s not what he’s saying, it’s how he’s saying it,” or “If she would just word it differently, I might be able to respond less defensively.” So, in your effort to resurrect the conversation, you tell your spouse, “Why can’t you just say it this way,?” and you proceed to reword the statement in such a way that it feels less toxic.

And just when you think you should receive the Nobel Peace prize for your obvious communication acumen, your spouse replies with an ungrateful, “Why do you always try to tell me what to say and how to say it,?” or “Since you know what I should be saying, why don’t you just have a conversation by yourself?”

What we have here is a failure to communicate.... Read On