Sex on the Wedding Night – Do I have to?

In the eastern culture, where premarital relations are not encouraged, and perhaps even forbidden, the ‘wedding night’ often comes with a lot of tension. A lot of women wonder if they ‘have’ to have a physical connection on that particular night, and if consummation is really necessary.

From the western perspective, a couple would go out and get to know one another before they felt a connection, and sexual intimacy would be the next gradual step. In the East, however, this is foreign, and getting married means that not only are you going to spend the rest of your lives together, and start a new journey together, but also that you are now ready to have sex.

Laura Doyle, in The Surrendered Single says that when your boyfriend tries to kiss you on the first date, then do not decline him, and kiss him back. If you do not, you are letting him know that you are not romantically interested in him, and you may not have a very long relationship with your date.

The Surrendered Wife also talks about sex being a gift – and if you deny your man sex when he has made himself so vulnerable to you, you are not only rejecting his gift to you, but you are also rejecting him. Not only will this hurt his masculine pride, but also it will cause him to withdraw and refrain from making further advances.

So, if you are planning on getting married, you would do well to prepare yourself to receive his gifts, take plenty of time relaxing and pampering yourself, and be open and vulnerable to share this connection together. The start of a beautiful future, beginning with an intimate connection.

Cinderella Was Not Saved - She Was a Happy Person All Along!

written by Margaret Paul, Ph.D.

"Most people who are happy in their marriages were ALREADY HAPPY before meeting their spouse! Happy people make happy marriages. Unhappy people either don't marry or generally continue to be unhappy after getting married.

While Cinderella wasn't happy with her circumstances, inside she was a loving, happy person. And so was the prince. "Happily ever after" is often not the result of getting married, but the result of two basically happy people getting married to each other!

Over and over I hear from my clients: "I need a relationship to be happy." Over and over I say to them, "Focus on learning how to make yourself happy now and then you might find the relationship you are seeking.""

Read the full article here:
http://www.articlesbase.com/self-help-articles/cinderella-was-not-saved-she-was-a-happy-person-all-along-869485.html

Dear Self - A Quote With Profound Meaning

My sister is currently reading"Dear Self", which is the journal that was written by Imam Zaid Shakir's mother, which her children published after she passed away.

Click picture to buy book from Inspirity's Book Clinic

"Love did not draw me into marriage. Confusion, discontent and boredom did. And I perpetrated a great wrong both to the man I married and myself."

Why Do You Want To Get Married? Is it for the right reason?

Why Do You Want To Get Married?

Here are some questions for you to reflect on if you are looking to get married - take some time and ponder over them, and see what it brings up for you...

Why Do You Want To Get Married?

1. To get out of your parent's house,
2. To have someone who loves you,
3. Because your parents are insisting on you marrying someone even though you are not ready, but you haven't got the courage to say "no",
4. To start a life with another person where you can respect, encourage, support, admire and appreciate him; Cook, clean, raise you children, fulfil each other's desires, help him along on his journey. And doing all this whilst maintaining, upholding, and increasing your own morals and standards.

SunniPath Summer Registration Opens!

First Live Session: Saturday, May 16th

Click here for more details

Attention all Muslim men and women, married or single! This is an absolutely fabulous online course! You will learn so much from it - live interactive lessons with Ustadah Hedaya Hartford - ask as many questions you like during the lesson and even after the lesson. Extremely insightful and educational, learn to differentiate between culture and Islamic Law.

Teacher(s): Ust. Hedaya Hartford
Course Code: LAW130
Next Semester: Summer 2009
Course Length: 13 Weeks
Live Sessions: Saturday, 3:00 PM - 5:00 PM GMT (convert to your time zone)
First Live Session: Saturday, May 16th
Course Format: Weekly live sessions
Department: Law

At-a-glance:

• Whether you are already married or looking to the future, learn the essentials of an Islamic marriage
• Benefit from noted marriage expert Ustadha Hedaya Hartford’s practical advice and tips
• Understand the basic fiqh of marriage and divorce, breaking down common misconceptions
• Learn how to establish good communication
• Find ways of dealing with problems and conflict resolution
• Avoid destructive habits
• Set good habits with in-laws
  

Course Overview:

• Basic fiqh of marriage
• Basic fiqh of divorce
• Choosing a spouse
• Types of communication
• Triggers and dramas
• In-laws
• Staying married
• Analyzing marital issues/problems and destructive habits

Laura Doyle: Settle for an Imperfect Man

“It’s time to surrender your checklist and accept an imperfect man.
You can be blissfully happy with an imperfect man.
You will certainly be perpetually lonely without one.”

- Laura Doyle

The Surrendered Single.

Marriage Training Principles

This is a work-in-progress. This article will be updated intermittently.

1. Confidence and Self Esteem: You need to be confident with the decisions you make and not be swayed by the negative comments of others, or chances are you will take a back seat in the journey of your life and let others make important decisions for you. If you don't go into your marriage with a high self esteem, you will end up second guessing your decisions and berating yourself when things go wrong.
2. Self Care: Learning to beautify oneself for your husband; hair, nails, clothes. Learning how to relax - you don't know what it means to be tired right now! :) Do things that wind you down - have a bubble bath, connect with nature by going for a walk in the park.
3. Home-making skills: Learn how to manage your time effectively, start practicing how to cook, and learn how to clean so it doesn't take over your whole life.
4. Start to respect and look at other people's perspective: Once you get married, it's not going to be all about what you think! :) How do you react when you have to deal with a conflict of interest?
5. Anger management: How do you deal with conflict? How do you react when someone makes you angry? How do you react when your under stress (e.g. exams, work related audits) and you're not feeling well? Do you become a witch during your monthly periods? Now is the time to start to control your anger! An aching back due to housework, crying kids, lack of sleep, period pains, in-law problems and an overly happy husband are a recipe for disaster if you don't know how to manage your anger! :)
6. Boundaries and limitations: How do you react when someone oversteps your boundaries? Do you know how to remain composed and unswayed in the event of being persuaded to do something you don't want to do? Have you been taught by your parents to do whatever they say and be overly obedient whether it's morally/religiously correct or not? If you don't understand how to manage your boundaries and limitation, chances are high that you will get walked over when you get married. ("If you act like jelly, people will squish their hands inside just because it feels nice, for no other reason" - Dr Laura).

INTRODUCING - Inspirity's Marriage Training

So many young women have come to me telling me they want to get married - and then asking how to go about it?

You can set your heart on getting married, but if you're constantly waiting for Mr. Right to pop-up, chances are your going to get filled with discontent.

Do what you want to do now, rather than waiting for the right circumstances to arrive where your life will be perfect.

Your life is perfect now - that's what God wants from you right now. If he wanted anything different for you, you would have it.

I'm in the process of developing a Marriage Training program for young women - and rather than wait till its complete and ready, I'm going to formulate and perfect in the magazine, so watch this space!

Introducing Marriage Training, Work-In-Progress!

This article was inspired by all my younger sisters x

Settle for less in love

By Laurie Gottlieb
Click here to read the whole Sunday Times article.

"To the outside world, we still call ourselves feminists, and insist that we are independent, self-sufficient and don’t believe that damsel-in-distress stuff. In reality, however, we are women who want a traditional family. And, despite growing up in an era when the centuries-old mantra of getting married young was finally replaced by pursuit of high ideals (education, career, but also true love), every woman I know – no matter how successful and ambitious, how financially and emotionally secure – feels panic if she hits 30 and finds herself unmarried.

Whether you acknowledge it or not, there is good reason to worry. By the time 35th-birthday brunch celebrations roll around for still-single women, serious, irreversible life issues masquerading as “jokes” creep into public conversation: “Well, I don’t feel old, but my eggs sure do”; “I’m not getting any younger”. The birthday girl smiles a bit too widely as she delivers these lines, and everyone laughs a little too hard for a little too long because, at their core, they pose one of the most complicated, painful and pervasive dilemmas with which many single women are forced to grapple nowadays: is it better to be alone or to settle?

"My advice is this: settle. Don’t worry about passion or intense connection. Don’t rule out a guy based on his annoying habit of yelling “Bravo!” in the cinema. Overlook his halitosis or abysmal sense of aesthetics. If you want the infrastructure in place for a family, settling is the way to go. Based on my observations, in fact, settling will probably make you happier in the long run, because many of those who marry with great expectations become more disillusioned with each passing year.

"Back when I was still convinced I’d find my soul mate, many of the guys I dated lived up to my requirements – but, if one of them lacked kindness, another didn’t seem emotionally stable enough, and another’s values clashed with mine. Others were sweet, but so boring that I preferred to read during dinner.

Now I realise that, if I don’t want to be alone for the rest of my life, I’m at the age where I will probably need to settle for someone who is settling for me. What we forget is that we won’t always have the same appeal that we may have had in our twenties and early thirties. Having turned 40, I now have wrinkles, bags under my eyes and hair in places I didn’t know hair could grow on women. With my nonworking life consumed by thoughts of potty training and play dates, I have become a far less interesting person than the one who went on hiking adventures and performed at comedy clubs."