Being Content, Diligent and Responsible when Expressing Yourself

The Surrendered Wife teaches women the art of effective communication with their other half, and encourages the expression of desires, limitations and feelings. The wonderful thing about this approach is that it does work – but if over-used, it may work against you.

Expressing Desires - ‘I want’ – Be Content
When you start taking responsibility for what you want, instead of making him guess, or telling him what ‘we’ want, (i.e. ‘Wouldn’t it be nice if we went for holiday this year?’) you give him the opportunity to please you... it may not happen today, or tomorrow – but the point is that you let him know. You can abuse this womanly art by over-using it by making request after request to the extent that your husband thinks that he will never be able to make you happy! Your husband wants to see you content – he wants to know he provided well for you. Express too many desires and you run the risk of sounding like a spoilt brat who never gets enough.

Expressing your limitations – ‘I can’t’ – Be Diligent
It is paramount a woman knows her limits, and stays within them, stretching them when circumstances require, but only to the amount that she can. When you let him know that you ‘can't’ do something, instead of doing it all and then resenting him, or refusing to do it and then criticizing him for not doing it, you put the ball into his court. You can abuse this womanly art of expression by over-using it to the extent that you come across as a feeble woman who can't get anything done by herself. We all have our own responsibilities and roles, and we should do them diligently.

Expressing your feelings – ‘Ouch’ – Be Responsible
You will at times in your life need to speak up and air your concerns. Your husband may say hurtful things to you. You may have a bad day where everyone treats you badly, and you want to sound off to your husband. Take care to be responsible and speak for yourself. The worst thing you can do when expressing your feelings – be it hurt, anger or concern is to start attacking everyone else’s character. Speak for yourself, using ‘I’ statements. It will be especially hard for your husband to see your point of view if you are attacking his character (or even his mum’s!). In the event that you are upset or lonely, you may want to take your concerns to a friend who can give you some perspective – sometimes it is all we need. If you bring all your concerns to your husband - especially if you miss your family once you get married – your husband may feel upset that you are not happy with him, and that no matter what he does, he just can't keep you happy.

So in a nutshell – go ahead and express yourself using the surrendering techniques – but take care not to abuse them...!